if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
