at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
