everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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