There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
