Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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