just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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