I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize