I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
