Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize