Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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