well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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