Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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