There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
