paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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