i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
