I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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