i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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