She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
