So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
