I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
