He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
