My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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