I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well you can't waste a boner
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
