I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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