I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
