Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
