did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
