Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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