Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
