Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
