dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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