Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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