I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
