??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
