her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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