I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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