If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
