I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
