Plan B is the new Plan A
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
