he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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