so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
