I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
