R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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