I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize