oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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