i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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