I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
