After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
