Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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