Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
