he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
