I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
