i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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