Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
