I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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