Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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