Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
