1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
