Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
